saying goodbye.

Whenever I get asked what my favourite season is, I always say the Fall (with Spring a close second), because of the red-orange leaves, and the crunching under my feet that bring with it a childlike sense of joy and wonder. (I have also discovered acorn crunching lately thanks to a colleague at work that is equally exciting…think popping bubble wrap). The city has started to hum with a lingering limerence of the romantic end of summer, and while the sun still continues to shine with the infectious joy of a summer afternoon, I am beginning to feel my mood falter as the days get shorter. Even till now, I am still not used to this. Fall officially started a few weeks ago, and with it came a whole barrage of feelings. September is always a difficult time for me, and to think this time I almost forgot that the feelings would hit me exactly as they usually hit. As and as my traditional Chinese massage auntie stepped on me, I felt the collective stress and tension I have been holding for the past 30 days. This was exacerbated by news this past week that has been far from pleasant.

The prospect of me leaving North America has started to become real, and the conversations that have followed seem to be growing legs longer than I imagine, and I find myself struggling to catch up. With 2026 almost coming to an end, I find myself entering a season filled with what may be the beginning of my lasts. The Japanese call it mono-no-aware, and my friend Caro calls it carpe diem. I call it how did I [insert expletive of choice] get ever end up here?!

I think that with the beauty of living comes the art of loving, and the art of loving well. But in loving, I am reminded of the things we get to miss, and of the heart that gets to break. We often think of grief that comes with and end in relationships as negative, but I always find that things happen regardless of how we choose to avoid it, and gratitude becomes an act of survival and quiet resistance. I think it also comes down to a decision to choose authentic engagement with your spaces as you meet them, not out of compulsion, but from the joy of being able to do so, because you know that time is unforgiving, and that we are imperfect beings. We won’t get it right all the time, but I would rather show up imperfect than wishing I did, all because I was afraid to.

With the busyness of the start of a new semester and TIFF now ended, late September and early October always come with an opportunity to Marie Kondo my life and perhaps this year, I am choosing to do so with a little bit more intentionality and a bit more haste. I guess only time will tell if it will work out for the better, but knowing potentially that this could be the start of my last six months in Canada, I would rather take my chances than hedge my bets. I guess I am learning to do as my friend Caro does, and choosing to carpe my diem for as long as I possibly can.